A picture paints a thousand words.

Words like betrayal, disappointment and shame…

Has your child ever asked you loudly in public why that man has such a big belly or why that lady has a beard? Yes? Well then you will understand how I felt when my child brought this home from school the other day.

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Moi, Sylda & Deb (pic courtesy of Olivia)

There was a proper knees up in Dublin last saturday night. And yes it is blog awards-300x300related because it was the Glenisk 2015 Irish Parenting Blogger Awards. I even got a blow-dry. It was that big a deal. The night itself was a gorgeous meal in one of Dublin’s finest brunch spots, Odessa, followed by the awards ceremony up on their roof terrace. Hot mommas and the odd partner was the order of the night as we all got dickied up and put our game faces on. Mind The Baby MC’ed the night, and organised the whole shebang with Mama.ie and a team of energetic multi skilled bloggers. (ie. not me)

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We were all (quiz) winners. With Kate & Sinead (pic courtesy of Laura)

Proper Fud sadly didn’t make it past the long list, but the big advantage of that was I was able to fully enjoy the night with no nerves. I even won the House of Bloggers quiz, with 2 rides, I mean friends Sinead & Kate making up our team. Despite the competition being approximately a cumulative thirty years younger than us, our fastest fingers first and encyclopaedic blog knowledge netted me another years Netflix subscription. That should keep me in quality telly at least until Frank Underwood gets impeached or Piper Chapman gets parole.

There was some uh-mazing things in our party bags (as they must be called in my house); beauty goodies for tired mama faces, M&S vouchers (me), Mr. Price vouchers (earmarked for outdoor toys), Bear Yoyos, Glenisk vouchers, awesome personalised One4All cards and not forgetting glorious IPB aprons! But the piece de resistance for me was a Lottie doll courtesy of MyKidsTime.

The young fella in this house is a massive fan of those toy reveal videos on YouTube, so him and I thought the unveiling of Lottie the perfect chance for him to make his own little review video. And of course the other, younger fella got his voice heard too. We’re ain’t slick, but we sure did have fun: without further ado, it’s Dominic Tube!

I love Lottie, she’s a proper little girl shape, is age appropriate, wears relatable kids clothes and has won a tonne of awards. We might just have to buy her friend Finn too. As a special treat for friends-of-bloggers there is a full range of Lottie Dolls available on www.mykidstimestore.com.Use discount code IPBA2015 (valid until May 31st) for 10% off all Lottie Dolls and accessories.

All the well deserved winners are listed here, and include some of my personal favourites in there. Enjoy!

Green Shoots and Bad Attitudes.

Green Shoots by Proper Fud

I arrived home from a day in work and an evening in college and decided to water the few vegetables I planted this spring. Like my children, they seem to have done fine without me to constantly tend them; they have sprung up and are doing mighty well for themselves. Am left feeling like a green thumbed overachiever after a day like that.

It didn’t start off so well though. I went to do a days freelance work and was left puzzled by an encounter with a senior member of staff. It was an off the cuff conversation, but it brought home to me how little some people value certain things. The person has form; in the past I’ve found them to have a vaguely dismissive attitude towards women of a certain age, and their ability to have a career and young children. A definite fan of the mommy track.

They asked me how was retirement going, and didn’t I have a nice tan from the last few days. First of all, that’s the wrong R word and secondly, when I wasn’t bringing up my two children during the current batch of sunny days, I was locked inside studying. I said as much, and then they asked did it feel weird to be going backwards? Now, it is the guts of fifteen years since I was in college so maybe they meant back in time, but as far as I’m aware further education and personal development always count as going forwards.

So if you want to know how this particular Stay At Home Part-time Student Mother Freelancer Farmer is getting on, just ask me straight out.

I’m doing great. Life is showing definite signs of green shoots.

Time’s up, baby. Hand over the nappies.

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Where are those paper towels gone? Anyone seen the disinfectant spray? Ah feck, there’s another puddle over there. Yep. It’s toilet training time.  Actually, forget the cleaning up gear, where’s the baby gone? Look at him there above; stretching up, helping himself to something, well able to fend for himself in the wild for all I know.

Of course, you know what the worst approach to any develpomental milestone is? Putting yourself and a child under pressure to get there. And what am I doing? Trying to impose a not-weeing-on-self deadline on the fourth and final human member of our household. Like an eejit (albeit, an eejit that kinda needs this to happen sooner rather than later)

Number one child trained a little earlier than this guy, and it took a while but he got it okay. We also had the invaluable support of a creche for some relief on the pooey underpants disposal front. Other than that I really can’t remember much about it because the current champion floor-piddler was only about six weeks old so there was a lot of embracing of chaos going on.

So why am I doing it differently this time round? Remember back then I said I was going to be a student soon? Well I am one now, and it’s getting harder to concentrate at the level I need to when I can only start studying late at night. I remember well my last stint in college; I watched a lot of MTV’s The Real World and This Morning With Richard Not Judy (look it up). Britney Spears had just burst onto the scene in her approximation of a school uniform and I used Telnet for a form of social media (shout out DCU’s Redbrick Society!). Somewhere amongst that and pints I got a degree also.  Now the only thing standing in my way of time to study is an obstinate toddler and a load of Lightning McQueen underpants.

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So close and yet! So far.

I have a place for him in a local Montessori pending potty training. Three glorious mornings where I can get shit done while he does his somewhere else. Sure I might even get a run or a sneaky haircut/latte/nap in if I get through my lectures.

Anyway, two days in, he’s doing okay. There’s been more misses than hits, but the kind of misses that happen halfway to the potty so the intent is there and that’s good. He hasn’t quite cracked the poo either; a look of shock crossed his face at his suddenly weighty pair of pants yesterday but today he shouted “What’s on my bum?” just before the main event. That’s progress right?

He seems quite pleased at all the attention he’s getting – chocolate buttons and high fives abound. I bought him fourteen new pairs of pants today to add to the just-in-case ones purchased optimistically six months ago. So I remain positive but realistic. Fingers crossed for me eh? A toddler’s bodily function control lies in between me and my future career. No pressure.